Dear George Clooney

George. Cloons. Clooney Tunes. Do you have a flaw you could share with us? Not like "Oh, I'm a perfectionist," or "Sometimes I care too much," but like -- a real flaw? Because so far, all we've got is an inability to commit. Which, because you're so darned honest about it, barely counts.

We keep waiting for the "George Clooney doesn't tip well/is a psycho on set/hates puppies" expose -- but it never manages to surface. Instead, we get: "George Clooney steps between warring factions in actors union and urges compromise to avoid another strike." We mean, swoon, right? Tom Hanks and Alec Baldwin are all figuratively up in Jack Nicholson and Holly Hunter's grill about what to do with a new actors' contract and you come in with a "We can't ... pit artist against artist" letter? Was it written in calligraphy on embossed paper and sealed with a wax "G"? Well played, sir.

So. We were wondering. Can we borrow your super-human suaveness for a week? Maybe you could make a few calls for us, settle some feuds, organize our husband's birthday party (what? did we say that? we're totally on top of it, honey. really ... ). And if you can't make it, we could probably make do with your Jelly Bean counterpart (click the link, you will not be disappointed). It must be imbued with at least half your charisma -- but twice the sweetness. Until then, Cloons! Sincerely, SOAPnet.com